Sat on Facebook done sod all else and before you know it an hour has elapsed and your now behind on life.
It's become apparent of late that Facebook is a black void sucking precious time out of my life.
I feel the need to check it more often than not for pretty much sod all however sometimes like a light at the end of a dark tunnel theirs actually something worth reading but for the most part it's just a shit storm of:
So for this update I thought I would be funny if not cool to do the top 5 generic status updates I see a lot of on Facebook.
I will hold my hands up now and say yeah I’ve probably done all of these at some point just before a shit storm starts coming my way, enjoy:
No. 5 – Holiday Weather
I’m on holiday and I would like to think that the weather here is so much better than the weather wherever you are.”
What I find funny is people’s actual need to go on to Facebook while they are on holiday and boast about the weather.
If anything they have left their current everyday routine to escape, see the world and have some fun, yet still they feel the need to reconnect with Facebook to see what they are missing back home.
Commenting about a different country's weather is comparable to me going on the internet picking a random country off the weather forecast and saying:
Does anyone care? No. Will anyone ever care? I doubt it, unless you are in Japan at that present moment in which case I think you would already know about the weather...
No. 4 – Monkey See Monkey Do
So you’ve been to x place and had an awesome time. Good for you.
If anything you could just tell me and everyone else next time we see you about your fantastic day out...
You will proceed to do so anyway which makes your status pretty darn pointless in retrospect and a complete waste of your time.
No. 3 – The Freedom Plea
If you weren’t at work making money you would be moaning that you had none and couldn’t afford to go anywhere or do anything.
You would also be more than likely living on the streets fighting off savage tramps like a ninja turtle making the world a better place for us all.
No. 2 – The Lazy Bored
I find this quite funny for a couple of reasons:
If people see enough status updates of this calibre they will automatically assume that you’re a very boring person and want nothing to do with you.
Also nobody else on Facebook can usually be bothered to organise anything to do, in which case it’s usually left up to you to suggest something and hope someone goes along with it.
No. 1 – Song Quotes
Talk about the blind leading the blind, I see so many song quotes on Facebook these days, I’m starting to think I’m the only one that’s not typing in Morse code.
Apart from making you look like a brain damaged cat that’s just found something it once recognised from it's past and now wants to hold on to for love and life. Nobody else will have a bloody clue what the hell you’re on about unless it’s blatantly obvious to the roving eye.
In which case you risk completely opening yourself up to ridicule by disclosing that "I need you now tonight, And I need you more than ever, And if you'll only hold me tight, We'll be holding on forever" or in the worst case scenario people thinking you’re actually more weird than you seem.
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